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Joke of the Day

"2016 jokes Sleep is my drug....my bed is my dealer....and my alarm clock is the police."

"Which lake is named after the Cleveland Steamer? Titicaca"

"[baby wakes up in the middle night] ""Go back to sleep, hun. I'll sort it out."" [puts baby on eBay]"

"Batman was arrested today in the Vatican He was released on Christian Bale"

"Sit down and let me tell you a story. Once Upon A Time......last night......I had a few drinks and......borrowed your credit card."

"What's 20 foot long, screams like a banshee and has no pubes? The front row of a One Direction concert."

"YOU'LL SEE, YOU'LL ALL SEE! An enthusiastic optician throwing dozens of pairs of glasses out into a crowd."

"Last month I decided to invest in a gym membership. Since then I have lost... ...about $39.99 in cash."

"What's the difference between a lawyer and an Irishman? [OC] One has passed a BAR."

"If I'm ever on life support, I want you to pull up he plug... Then wait 10 seconds and plug it back in, maybe that'll work."