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Joke of the Day

"You in the crosswalk: I stopped for you. I stopped. I'm stopped. I won't unstop. Don't look at me. Just walk. Go. For the love of God."

"A pelican just flew away with my sandwich. Rigged! The media!"

"Who is William Shatner's mythical nemesis? The Lepre-khaaaaannnnn!!!!!"

"*puts on satin, full length pajamas for men, slips into bed* yes... time to text some girls the word 'hey' and only the word 'hey'"

"Father: How were the exam questions? Son: Easy Father: Then why look so unhappy? Son: The questions didn't give me any trouble just the answers!"

"""Are you talking back to me?"" ""Mom, that's how a conversation works."""

"I just went on a date with a woman that had 12 nipples.. Sounds funny, dozen tit?"

"There are three kinds of people The ones that can count, and the ones that can't."

"When people with multiple personality disorders are about to die, whose life flashes before their eyes?"

"Hey airplane designers, why don't the people who pick the number of windows talk to the people who pick the number of rows?"