209624

Joke of the Day

"I'm eating a bottle of glitter so when I get drunk and throw up tonight people will think I'm a unicorn in human form."

"I finally realized I could no longer keep my broken money making machine. It just didn't make cents."

"With all the negative news lately ...about the Paris attacks, ISIS and the Syrians taking over the world there is one thing that is positive and that's Charlie Sheen."

"What's 9 inches long,pink, and makes my girlfriend scream when I put it in her mouth Her miscarriage"

"A man walks into a bar Ouch"

"Q: Why did the baker have brown hands? A: Because he kneaded a poo."

"I love pizza too much So I go to the doctor, and doc says, ""You gotta stop eating pizza""! And I say, ""Come on doc, why?"" And doc says, ""Cause I gotta examine you!"""

"ELMO WANT BIG HUG!!! ELMO WANT KIDS TO KNOW THAT JET FUEL COULDN'T POSSIBLY MELT STRUCTURAL STEEL"

"I need some sugar. Not the stupid kind that gives you mono, but the good kind that gives you diabetes."

"A woman gets hit by a truck. Who's fault is it? The truck's fault. What was it doing in the kitchen?"