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Joke of the Day

"My sex life is like Star Wars Its either Hans Solo or I have to use the force..."

"To the guy in a wheelchair that stole my phone You can hide but you can't run"

"I have just watched a documentary on marijuana. I think all documentaries should be watched this way."

"A student sits at his desk and begins his economics exam. He opens the paper and reads the first question. To Germany, how much is Greece worth - 1 mark"

"When people's driving tweets end mid sentence, did the paramedics find their phone and hit send?"

"I just folded a fitted sheet so beautifully an owl just delivered a Hogwarts acceptance letter to my house"

"My name is Seamus and I build that bridge you just drove over. It's the longest spanning bridge in Ireland. Do they call me Seamus the Famous Bridge Builder? No, they don't, but fuck one sheep..."

"I've got a new habit. And a naked dead nun."

"I used to be addicted to the hokey-cokey But I turned myself around and that's what it's all about."

"Can you tease, please and never squeeze Argentina? Yes, but you Gotze try a little tenderness."