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Joke of the Day

"What is the difference between Donald Trump and a thumb tack? Not much really, they're both annoying pricks."

"*Goes back in time to kill the inventors of Twitter. Returns home to amaze friends on Facebook with endless jokes about vodka & pizza.*"

"Am I the only one that sees the irony? In a Christian calling Scientology crazy?"

"I used to be a door to door vacuum salesman... That shit sucked."

"Did you hear about the crime that happened in a parking garage? It was wrong on so many levels."

"Why do Gnomes always laugh when the run? Because the grass tickles their balls!"

"""If you love something, set it free..."" Unless it's a man... Cause he'll get lost... And you know he won't ask for directions..."

"What do you call a guy with no shins? Tony..... toe knee"

"What do you call a group of twelve, angry, well-endowed men? A hung jury."

"[in ambulance after being shot] can we [coughs blood] stop at Taco Bell? ""Don't be stupid! [turns around while driving] of course we can"""