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Joke of the Day
"Why are lawyers always buried 15 feet deep? Because deep down they're good people."
Next Joke
"I hate sitting comfortably on the couch and then discovering my phone is more than an arm's length away. Also more than a leg's length away."
"Contemplating the merits of the Oxford comma as I head down to Florida to see my parents, Donald Trump and Marco Rubio"
"The Hurricane came through here like a tornado -Lady on the News just now I don't want to live on this planet anymore"
"""You had a life. It was this long. Here's a rock."" - tombstones"
"I have feelings for you. Please take them and leave."
"So many people fall in love with the wrong person, simply because the wrong person will often say all the right things."
"Your perfume/cologne should reward someone for getting close, not punish them for being in the same building."
"""Oh NOW Burger King delivers!"" -Paula Deen"
"Girl, if your beauty was represented in stocks, I'd invest everything... Because you're at an all-time low. (Use it to seal the deal on Valentine's Day)"