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Joke of the Day

"Question ? Do old lesbians try to look like Rod Stewart or does Rod Stewart try to look like an old lesbian?"

"I saw a man 3 foot 3 outside my house looking for my utilities readings Turns out he was the metre man"

"What's the difference between the Mafia and the Government. One of them is organised."

"Why do gorillas have such big nostrils? Because they have big fingers! Not mine. Told to me by my late grandfather, funniest pastor ever. :)"

"Fifteen years ago I asked my high school crush out on a date, yesterday I asked her to marry me... ... She said no both times."

"Candy is like virginity It's easy to take from a child"

"One time Bill Murray came up to me at a Wendys, took a fry off my tray, ate it, looked me dead in the eyes and said ""Nobody's going to believe you"""

"Friends are like bananas. If you peel their skin and eat them, they will die."

"Why did the fallen child cross the road? Believing that one day, the chicken will cross the road, it fills you with determination."

"I have two requirements in my will.... 1) I want my remains spread out at Disney World 2) I do not want to be cremated."