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Joke of the Day

"One time Bill Murray came up to me at a Wendys, took a fry off my tray, ate it, looked me dead in the eyes and said ""Nobody's going to believe you"""

"Why do mother kangaroos hate rainy days? Because then the children have to play inside."

"how many indians does it take to screw in a light bulb? Sikhs"

"(guy glaring at me because he wants to use the stationary bike) *adds 72 hours to cardio workout*"

"What is the worst way to ask for a cigarette in San Francisco? ""You got a fag I can bum?"""

"Shout out to my body for reminding me that, while I'm too old to have the tiny waist of a 15yo, I'm not too old for a pimple on the forehead"

"I invented a new word. Plagiarism."

"A feminist one asked me ""What's your view on Lesbians""? I said ""1080p"""

"Why are Jewish men circumcised? Because Jewish women won't go near anything that's not 20% off."

"What makes a barbershop quartet sound so amazing? They're on the cutting edge of musical innovation."