209085

Joke of the Day

"""Did you guys see me get so mad I flipped a table?"" Yes Tony, we saw it. You're 46. You have to stop taking your skateboard to restaurants."

"Kidnapping is such a strong word, I prefer to think of it as Surprise Adoption"

"Don't stand in the rain if you're stuck in a shit storm"

"I want to watch a porn where both people scream out lengthy Starbucks drink orders when they orgasm"

"[Hall of Justice] Aquaman: How do you expect me to ignite the TNT below Kaiser's floating fortress? Waterproof Match Man: Maybe I can help."

"The Ghostbusters are women?! This totally compromises the integrity of a story about battling evil marshmallows while dressed like a janitor"

"What did the bull-fighter say to the upset door? What's the matador?"

"I saw a man sitting on a curb looking down on his luck so I gave him a dollar he gave it back and said "" I'm not homeless, I'm married """

"What do you say to an native american who, you think, is telling you lies? Don't sittin' bullshit me."

"I deleted all of the Germans off my phone. Its Hans-free."