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Joke of the Day

"GOOD COP: Crazy girlfriend? I know how THAT is BAD COP: He's trying to get on your side so you confess GOOD COP: Jesus Christ, Frank"

"Don't forget to stop and Instagram the roses."

"Accountant after reading nursery rhymes to his young child: ""No son. When Little Bo Peep lost her sheep that wouldn't be tax deductible but I like your thinking""."

"Why did the liberal go to the gynecologist? She was feelin' the Bern!"

"The cool thing about robbing a library is that you have two weeks before they notice."

"People have always told me, ""Shoot for the stars"" So I became a celebrity hitman"

"Why did Adele cross the road? So she could say hello from the other side (If this has already been posted I might cry I thought I made this all up on my own haha)"

"Why did the sperm cross the road? Because the neckbeard put on the wrong pair of socks this morning."

"Riding horses is fun and all, but... ...let's be on a steer."

"How do you put a baby astronaut to sleep? You rocket"