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Joke of the Day

"Why did the sperm cross the road? Because the neckbeard put on the wrong pair of socks this morning."

"If I had a dime for every time I lost something between the couch cushions... I would probably lose those between the couch cushions too."

"A man walked into a bar He was knocked unconscious....."

"I'm reading a book about anti-gravity... I can't put it down."

"[rolls a boiled egg down the bar to a hot girl] me - ""that was an accident can I have my egg back please"""

"What's your body type? Mine is ""giant gummy bear."""

"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change cuz I don't want to get up and find the remote."

"Eating a box of Thin Mints doesn't make you thin. Apparently."

"What's worse than finding a hole in your condom? Finding a condom in your hole."

"You know what really burns my ass? A midget with a lighter."