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Joke of the Day

"What's black and white and red all over? A white person wearing blackface with multiple stab wounds."

"What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground Beef. Am I doing this right?"

"People ask me ""Why are you single? You're attractive, intelligent, and have an amazing personality"". My response: ""I'm overqualified""."

"Have you heard of the band 150 megabytes? No? Not surprised, they don't have any gigs yet."

"[Me narrating a documentary on spiders] OH GOD GROSS OH JESUS DISGUSTING THERE'S ONE ON ME RIGHT NOW ISN'T THERE OHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGOD"

"Fish I've got a great pet fish. I called him home. He is an absolutely wonderful fish! You might even say there's no plaice like home!"

"ME: Wow I have to print this document right now PRINTER: Like, right right now?"

"For those who don't speak Spanish: ""Cinco de Mayo"" means ""hold the mayo."""

"I don't understand ads on p0rn sites. like who is ever in the middle of jerking off then goes like ""woah! that's the new detergent?"""

"I'm drunk & I want a TV Special called ""Wizard Fight"" where David Copperfield, David Blaine and Cris Angel try to make each other disappear."