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Joke of the Day

"Today I had a mild panic attack over the fact I will die someday. Then I bought some shit on Amazon. Your mom is a hermaphrodite."

"A man, his sister and his wife walk into the voting booth to vote for Donald Trump. They've both given it a lot of thought."

"I tried finding work as a Saudi executioner... ...but I couldn't get ahead."

"What's the difference between oral sex and anal sex? Oral sex will make your day, but anal sex will make your hole weak."

"Ever noticed how you used to be embarrassed by things you did or that happen to you, but now your first thought is ""I can tweet that"""

"What is something that cannot lift off the ground? Your career"

"What do you call gay paraplegics? Fruits and vegetables!"

"Where does Sean Connery keep his guns? In the library of course. They're for shelf-defense."

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Brighton ! Brighton who ? Brighton-der the light of the moon !"

"What did the psychic velociraptor say to his friend? ""Dino what you're thinking."""