173239

Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between a tiny penis and a joke? My date didn't laugh at my jokes."

"CASHIER: ""Did you find everything you were looking for?"" ME: ""Oh, yes..."" [places ""How To Murder A Cashier"" book on counter]"

"Why don't cats like online shopping? They prefer a cat-alogue."

"My neighbor was a vampire When I stabbed her in the heart with a wooden stake, she died."

"Who had it worse than the Jews in 1941? The Jews in 1942."

"What was James Bond after he slept through an earthquake? Shaken, not stirred."

"Losing your virginity is a lot like learning to ride a bike... Dad is holding you from behind the whole time"

"What is the difference between a philanthropist and Nicki Minaj? A philanthropist likes to impress people with his larg**esse**! :-P"

"I think these bikers are coming over to give me a group hug because they like the Hello Kitty stickers I put all over their motorcycles."

"The best part about being thirty is that I'm finally old enough to play a high schooler in movies."