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Joke of the Day

"Don't ever talk to me in an elevator. It will just be uncomfortable. I don't want to be put in that position. With my hand over your mouth."

"A Pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel stuck between his legs. Bartender: What's with the steering wheel? Pirate: Arr, it's drivin' me nuts!"

"How do you find Will Smith in the snow? You look for the Fresh Prince."

"There are 3 reasons for ""Liking"" someone's Facebook status: 1. I agree. 2. I realise this is about me, so I'm liking it to rub it in your face. 3. I want to bang you."

"Who would won in a wrestling match; Lemmy or God? Trick question, lemmy is god... R.I.P. Edit* win not won damnit..."

"I was going to make a joke about Counter Strike... But it would be globally offensive."

"They say that 5 in 3 people are bad at fractions. Don't even get me started on the other half."

"My Wife told me to treat her like a princess So I put her in the back of my car and crashed it into a tunnel"

"My friend recently broke up with his girlfriend... I said ""There's plenty of fish in the sea."" and he replied ""Yeah, but it's not just the smell I miss."""

"If they can make crunchy peanut butter, surely they can make crunchy butter."