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Joke of the Day

"At 17, Joan of Arc led the French to victory and I just looked for my phone while talking on it."

"How do they keep track of books at the sausage library? The Andouille Decimal System"

"TV is the best girlfriend Because, no matter what happens, I can always turn it on."

"They say you're not supposed to go to the grocery store when you're hungry. It's been several days now, what should I do?"

"Why should civil war be taken seriously? Because it's Syria's business."

"Party Tip: At a 3-year-old's birthday party, you can piss all over the bathroom. ALL OVER!!!! Nobody will suspect you."

"Thinking about starting a line of realistic welcome mats with things like ""Please don't stay long!"" or ""I hope you brought booze."""

"*Robber runs into Chipotle* GIMME THE MONEY IN THE REGISTER ""Is this for here or to go?"" Uh. To go ""Do you want guac?"" Sure ""It's extra"""

"Why are surveyors so much fun? Because most of them are party chiefs."

"What do French people call a really bad Thursday? A trajeudi."