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Joke of the Day

"Thinking about starting a line of realistic welcome mats with things like ""Please don't stay long!"" or ""I hope you brought booze."""

"Why does Noddy have a bell on top of his hat? Because he's a dickhead."

"What do werewolves put at the bottom of their e-mails? Beast wishes."

"Saw Bono kissing himself in the mirror. I looked at him in disgust and said.... ""Get a room U2!"""

"I saw a documentary about how ships are held together It was riveting"

"You can't out wit a jew but... You can auschwitz him"

"[talking to bouncer] Me:let me in Bouncer: not after last time Me:would a Washington convince you? Bouncer: no George Washington: c'mon man"

"Which director is Hollywood's darling? Michael Bae"

"People used to laugh at me when I would say ""I want to be a comedian"", well nobody's laughing now."

"TREE: [sees christmas tree thru window] who dose he think he is. all dressed up. too good to be outside ANOTHER TREE: be nice, he is dying"