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Joke of the Day

"Why do women watch porn movies from start to finish ? They think there will be a wedding at the end."

"What is the best kind of dog to ask for directions? A Chihuahua because it knows all the shortcuts!"

"Broken puppets for sale. No strings attached."

"[aquarium exit] Excuse me ma'am, would you mind opening your bag? I beg your pardon?! OPEN YOUR BAG *opens bag and reveals two penguins*"

"If you need a ride to the airport, give me at least two weeks notice so I'll have a chance to clear my schedule and die"

"People are often shocked when I tell them I'm single because I scream it at them while sliding open their shower curtain."

"[i walk in with broken ribs and face bleeding] yeah but you should see the other guy! [cut to: horse just chilling in a field enjoying life]"

"Why are there no gay suicide bombers? They can find millions of virgins just by going on Reddit."

"Freudian analysts How many Freudian analysts does it take to change a light bulb?? Sex"

"Fox news in four words: ""I'm not racist, but..."""