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Joke of the Day
"Masturbation: It *comes in hand*y."
Next Joke
"A fun prank if your roommate is a cartoon character is to draw clothes on the mirror so he leaves the house not realizing he's naked."
"How do trees get on the internet? They log in."
"If you have 3 tweets in a row that say what you're cooking, what song you're listening to, and what your mood is... just go back to Facebook."
"[girl's night out] WIFE: I'm off then ME: Okay WIFE: Don't do anything obtuse ME: Pfft - give me a break! {5 min later} ME *googling obtuse*"
"What are the similarities between a US handgun and a Feminist? 30 of them are triggered every second"
"Jesus has seen me naked and that's why he made me funny."
"Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open."
"I tried to play counter strike the other day It felt like a France simulator, I kept getting shot by terrorists"
"I'm so sick of employers asking me what I'm doing in the next four years It's not like I have 2020 vision"