207958

Joke of the Day

"epileptic with a sword What do you get when an epileptic person fights an iceberg with a sword? Seizure Salad"

"Q: Why did the scientist install a knocker on his door? A: He wanted to win the no bell prize!"

"End of the Week by Gladys Friday"

"Auto correct tries to change the word ""pussies"" to ""Aussies"".... Just saying."

"I'm single with no kids. I don't answer to anyone. ""Meow."" Okay! I'm opening the can now! Please don't shred the toilet paper again!"

"Facebook Friend: I woke up at 3:30am so I could sneak in a 8 mile run. Me: I skipped showering so I could sleep an extra 15 minutes."

"At least my mother died doing what she loved... Committing suicide"

"Wish I could focus on anything with even half the intensity of my dog watching me eat yogurt."

"Friday!!! I'm so glad you are back. I'm sorry you had to see me with Monday-Thursday, but I swear I was thinking of you the whole time."

"Me: Where's your maternity section? Her: Over there. How far along is she? Me: Her? I'm shopping for my Thanksgiving pants. Her..."