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Joke of the Day

"Can you imagine being cryogenically frozen and waking up 100 years later? Your hairstyle would be so outdated, how embarrassing."

"Old Navy is like my weird friend from third grade. Like, I know we used to be really close, but if you asked me if I knew him I'd say no."

"Two mormons walk into a bar..."

"Always trust people who like big butts. They cannot lie."

"One ant was running across an unopened box of crackers and urging another to speed up. ""But why do we have to hurry?"" said one. ""Can you read you nut! It says Tear along the dotted line'""."

"What do you call an electronic bowl? Ebowla"

"My girlfriend is due in two weeks. I can't wait til she's born."

"Q. How can you tell if an engineer is an extrovert? A. Because they look at *your* shoes when they're talking to you."

"She promised to teach me wax on, wax off. Only now my chest is bare, I'm frightened of candles, and pretty sure I still don't know karate."

"I didn't think a McDonald's Happy Meal would fill me up, but it did... OMG, I ATE THE TOY!"