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Joke of the Day

"Q. How can you tell if an engineer is an extrovert? A. Because they look at *your* shoes when they're talking to you."

"Did you hear about that Hollywood actress who got stabbed? Um what's her name? Blonde girl, Reece someone .... ""Witherspoon?"" No, no. It was with a knife."

"Chuck Norris can recharge his chuckPod by plugging it into a piece of cheese."

"Me*suspicious the neighbor is a cannibal*:""Do U find this is a tough neighborhood? Neighbor:""Na, u just use a slow cooker. Me:""What? n:""What"

"""Hey guys, I just lost at the Golden Globes!"" - Louis CK, brilliantly introducing himself tonight."

"I wish I was a baby so I could pass out in public with a bottle and no one would look twice."

"When someone says ""I love you infinity plus one"" I immediately love them less because of their failure to grasp basic mathematical concepts."

"What do you call a black man in space? An Astronaut you racist!"

"ME: Is it true you can smell diseases? MY DOG: Yes ME: Well do I have any? MY DOG: Yes, you're insane ME: Wow you can smell that? MY DOG: No"

"Now that it's 2017, to be accepting, I no longer see gender or age.... especially after my trip to Thailand"