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Joke of the Day

"So my car broke down My mechanic said it was obvious I'd blown a seal. I said keep my private life out of it and just fix the damn car!"

"A Rolex is just an expensive way to let everyone know you don't know how to check the time on your phone."

"A pirate walks into a bar And the bartender says, ""hey, you know you have a steering wheel hanging from your zipper?"". The pirate replies,""arrr, I know, it's driving me nuts""."

"Conspiracy theory for conspiracy theorists: Your conspiracy theories were planted by the government to distract you from real conspiracies."

"I got into a fight with 1, 3, 5, 7 and 9 The odds were against me."

"What do you call the stupidest fish in the sea? A dumb bass."

"I wish you were a door so I could slam you all day long. "

"Always get double toppings on take out pizza so you can eat one of the toppings off as an appetizer during your drive home."

"A new restaurant named Karma just opened in my neighborhood. There's no menu, you just get what you deserve."

"My dog loves sniffing piles of poop He gets so shitfaced from it."