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Joke of the Day

"""What is the difference between a black pinnochio and a white pinnochio."" The black pinnochio's nose grows wider when he lies."

"Me: Can u send me those documents? Coworker: Yes, but u can actually get them by-- Me: Nope, don't try teaching me to fish. Not interested."

"The woman who injected her 8-year old daughter with Botox for beauty pageants has lost custody. The child didn't look surprised."

"I just found spaghetti in our heating ducts if any of you were thinking of having children."

"Googled 'how to start a fire' got 10000 matches"

"Why do the walking dead survivors try to get to washington D.C.? Because it's their Michonne."

"Girl on Facebook Heyy i have not seen u since high school. Me. It's been a while. Her. Yea been married 6 years now : ) Me. Unfriend"

"Americans eat Turkeys at Christmas. Do people in Turkey eat Americans?"

"As far as I can tell, the only thing ghosts do is set up obstacle courses when I have to get up in the middle of the night to pee"

"I had a weird dream last night that I was eating huge marshmallows! I woke up this morning wanting smore!"