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Joke of the Day

"[pirate ship] Pirate: Walk the plank Me: *struts down like nobody's business* Pirate: wait come back that was awesome you're one of us now"

"Billion dollar idea: Make a prescription drug that gets rid of the side effects of all of the other prescription drugs."

"I love when people say ""If people hate you, it only means you're doing something right."" Because that's what Hitler would say."

"Yes Grandma, I'm almost positive Arachnophobia is not the fear of people from Iraq"

"The cats told me the reason we only have one life is because we're too stupid to handle nine lives. I believe this is true."

"How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten tickles. lol :P"

"What's the best part about dating a black girl? Not having to wait for her downstairs with her father."

"Life just handed me lemonade. Not sure what to do."

"My date told me I have nice skin. It's not like he's gonna make a mask out of it right? *nervous laugh*"

"How does a West Virginia mother know when her daughter is on her period? Her son's dick tastes funny"