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Joke of the Day

"At the Apple store waiting for a snotty Genius Bar guy. Thinking about how a ""crowbar"" has nothing to do with crows either."

"I want to ask you out, but I've got butterflies in my stomach. And worms. And maggots. And.."

"Hearing problems I went to the doctors with hearing problems. He said ""Can u describe the symptoms?"" I said ""Homers a fat bloke and Marge has blue hair"""

"This tweet is made from 100% recycled characters."

"Johnny Depp is the best actor ever. You can't even tell he has scissor hands in Pirates of the Caribbean."

"It must be difficult to post inspirational Tweets when your blood type is B Negative."

"What do you call Santa's wife? Mrs Claus. I'll see myself out."

"I would tell you a good cheesy joke, But I lactase"

"When adding number in your head... It's really the thought that counts."

"Call a woman beautiful a hundred times... Call a woman beautiful hundred times, and she won't remember. But call her fat just *one* time, and she'll never forget. Because elephants never forget."