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Joke of the Day

"No sweetie, mommy's not drinking vodka again. This is potato water."

"Why can elephants swim - and aardvarks can't? Aardvarks don't have trunks!"

"Dad: relax kids, no monkey business in a nice restaurant [table over] Monkey 1: *slams briefcase shut, stands up* Monkey 2: not worth it man"

"two blondes walked into a bar You thought one of them would of seen it"

"What do you call a black man flying an airplane? A pilot, you fucking racist."

"Kisses make my day... But anal makes me hole weak."

"A new study found that 12 percent of married adults met their spouses online.The other 88 percent met somebody else's spouse online"

"People who are offended when I breastfeed in public need to STFU. What I'm doing is natural and strengthens the bond between me and my dog."

"If olive oil is made with squished up olives and nut oil is made with squished up nuts... What's baby oil made from?"

"You do realize that if you save yourself for marriage, you'll only have sex like three or four times ever?"