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Joke of the Day
"LIKE if you don't ring the doorbell... You just text or call to say you're outside."
Next Joke
"They call them ""reality shows"" but none of them are about drunk people scrolling through meaningless crap on the internet all night."
"I just posted a selfie and people told me to get well soon."
"Politicians are like sperm And often I find myself asking ""How did this one win?"""
"What grows when you plant a pumpkin spice latte and water it with vodka? A sorority."
"Why do women wear makeup and perfume? Because they are ugly and smell bad."
"Girl you are like a fine oriental rug... ...you'd look great on hardwood."
"Asked exterminator if he chose the bug life or the bug life chose him. In the ensuing silence I assume he imagined me dying by fumigation."
"I really can't tell you what I'll be doing this time in 4 years... ... as I do not have 20/20 vision."
"Let's all take a minute and be thankful that bugs aren't the same size as us"