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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear about the man who jumped into a river in France. He was in Seine.../He was never Seine again..."

"How many flies does it take to screw in a lightbulb? just 2."

"Just overheard someone say they need an ""escape goat"" for their project & I can't decide if they're a complete idiot or an evil genius."

"[marriage counseling] She's always getting mad at me ""There's a shark living in our pool"" IT WAS SHARK WEEK AND HE WAS ON SALE, KAREN"

"Do you want to know what I was for discovery channel dress up day? I dressed up as naked and afraid. I was naked everybody else was afraid."

"WIFE: You can't tell kids they're grounded anymore ME: Why not? W: They weren't our kids M: You did see how badly they packed our groceries?"

"""Daddy, do you like princesses?"" ""Yes."" ""Why?"" ""Well usually they have a nice set of ti-"" Wife: ""Shut it."" ""I WILL NOT LIE TO MY SON."""

"What has 7 arms and sucks? Def Leppard"

"Cello Green has T-Rex arms."

"Why do girls suck at playing hockey as goalie? Because there are 3 periods and only 2 pads"