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Joke of the Day
"LPT: When Googling ""grandfather clock"" don't forget the L."
Next Joke
"What kind of bird works on a construction site? A Crane."
"I'm well pissed off with my neighbour today. Yesterday he kept playing the same Lionel Richie song over and over at full blast. I wouldn't mind normally, but it was all night long."
"* Falls down rock face * Breaks legs. Bleeds profusely * Slowly reaches for pocket * Pulls out phone * Checks twitter notifications"
"""I need a boyfriend"" No, you WANT a boyfriend. You NEED water, cause you sound thirsty."
"Closing a browser window when someone walks by my computer is the most Pavlovian thing that I do."
"*bites nails* Sorry. Bad habit. I haven't been on a date in a while ""I can see why"" she says, pulling her fingers out of my mouth"
"What's red and white and screams when you shake it? A skinned baby in a bag of salt."
"So they are re-releasing the movie crash... And they have recast the part of Sandra Bullock with an A320"
"A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water."