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Joke of the Day

"What kind of shoes does bread wear? Loafers."

"I made an animated graphic of the inside of an egg. ThatsTheYolk.gif"

"Why did the couple bring a melon to their honeymoon? Because they cantaloupe..."

"Me: I haven't tweeted in days. Wife: Oh no! Hold on... *opens laptop *types Wife: Phew! Me: What? Wife: Looks like the Internet survived."

"Thanks for the holiday photo! I can't believe your little girls are already unhappy, overweight teenagers!"

"What do you call an electro-food? (it's giga-bite!) yeah it was giga bite yeah you're right yeah giga bite that was it giga bite it!!"

"Sorry I said your cat was ugly. Oh, and sorry for thinking your baby was a cat."

"Wife: Hit the light. *flicks switch (wrong light) *flicks another (fan) *flicks (disposer) *flicks (nothing) *flicks (some light in Canada)"

"Why do black people like to ""whip"" when dancing? Because for one they aren't on the receiving end! Yes I know i am being racist, so dont point it out"

"How to pick up a woman at Walmart. Very slowly and team lift with your legs."