206799

Joke of the Day

"At a wedding reception, the best man said, 'would all the married men please stand next to the person that made their lives worth living.' The poor bartender was crushed to death."

"Two chemists are at a bar. One says, ""I'd like some water."" The other says ""I'd like some Hydrogen Peroxide."" The second one died. Of cancer, many years later."

"I saw Tom Hanks today so I asked him for his autograph. He just wrote Thanks."

"""What's that in the bag?"" ""An AK-47."" ""No next to that."" ""A bag of cheetos."" ""You can't bring that into the movie."""

"So I made a Guardians of the Galaxy themed soft drink. I call it Groot beer."

"What is the biggest scum-hole in the galaxy? Teddybear junction."

"When my wife and I married we both agreed we would never go to sleep angry. Neither of us has slept in 16 years."

"What was Hitler's amplifier called? Mein Ampf"

"Let's hear your best ""my penis is so big"" jokes My dick is so big that at birth, instead of spanking me, the doctor smashed me with a bottle of champagne"

"A curious tradition -- to look at a newborn baby and say to yourself, ""Because of your DNA, one day you will rule over me."""