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Joke of the Day

"""Do NOT wake her up! It took me thirty minutes to get her to shut up and go to sleep."" -Conversation I just had about a damn Furby."

"Alien: we are here to enslave you Me: *not looking up from phone* huh? Alien: I SAID.. Me: *still not looking up* yeah I said I'll do it"

"Why do the police hate teenage fireflies? They never stop lighting up."

"I like my women like I like my coffee Filled with cream"

"Hello mother. Hello father. Here I am at Camp Marijuana. Crack is good, but weed is better, I'm so f*cked up, a friend wrote this letter."

"How do you know your sister's having her period? Your dad's dick tastes weird."

"I know the real reason the Pope is resigning. He finally realized that they were never going to promote him to God."

"I hate Nihilism ... It's meaningless!"

"You can't put a price on slippery lemons."

"One day Facebook, YouTube and Twitter will merge. It will be called YouTwitFace."