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Joke of the Day

"When I was a kid, we jumped fences, biked without helmets & drank out of public water fountains. It was a dangerous time, full of microbes."

"STOP HITTING ON MY TWITTER CRUSH YOU... YOU... EQUALLY UNKNOWN INTERNET DUDE!"

"Did you hear about that new car made entirely from wood? It's crazy! Wooden wheels, wooden windows, wooden engine... Wooden move."

"Who called it confronting ur husband Stanley about flirty texts from a girl named Rebecca from a former soviet state and not Who'sbeckystan?"

"What's the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chickpea? I've never paid to have a garbanzo bean on my face."

"Want to hear a pizza joke? Never mind it's too cheesy."

"Can we make it a rule not to put anything after the punchline? Seriously, it ruins the joke every time without fail."

"What is a thespian pony? A little horse play!"

"When people don't laugh at my jokes I just assume that they're not up to my level of comedy."

"I thought removing a snail's shell would make it faster... Turns out, it only makes it more sluggish."