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Joke of the Day

"I thought removing a snail's shell would make it faster... Turns out, it only makes it more sluggish."

"if you haven't been called a racist on the internet you haven't been using the internet"

"What do you call a gay geologist? Substrate."

"*sees a car with a ""how am i driving"" bumper sticker* *calls the phone number* ME: buddy i think it's with a steering wheel"

"4yo has repeated one word for an hour. 6yo is ninja fighting his imaginary friend. My move to a mental asylum will be an easy transition."

"Judas: Still on for Friday? ""Jesus: Friday?"" ""Judas: Yeah, the Last Supper."" ""Jesus: The what?"" ""Judas: Supper. Normal supper with the fellas."""

"Why did Pee Wee Herman win the annual bass fishing contest? Experts say it's because he was a master baiter."

"My husband is out w/friends & I'm at home w/the kids. I'm going to sprinkle Legos under the covers on his side of the bed."

"What's more fun than swinging an infant over your head with a rope as fast as you can? Stopping it with a shovel"

"TIFU by getting arrested for taking a clock to school"