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Joke of the Day

"Spent way too much time walking around the house trying to track down an odd noise that turned out to be a whistle in my nose."

"I've been diagnosed with a type of amnesia that makes me deny the existence of certain 80s bands... Apparently there's no Cure."

"Heard of The Gay Martini? they're pretty strong. You drink just one and you can't see straight."

"I've always heard that ignorance is bliss. My question: Exactly, how ignorant do I have to be before I find bliss?"

"Why is American beer like having sex in a canoe? it's fucking close to water."

"Daughter: Daddy, why is the moon following us around? Me: I probably owe it money like everyone else on the planet"

"At least I've never taken a picture with an iPad."

"LPT: Microwave your spoon first to make scooping out ice cream easier. It warms up the spoon and makes the process less frustrating."

"[My Joke] Where do noodles get their nails done? At the spa-getti."

"A scoutmaster asked one of his troop what good deed he had done for the day. 'Well' said the Scout. 'Mum had only one dose of castor oil left so I let my baby brother have it.'"