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Joke of the Day

"What's the hardest part of a vegetable to eat? The Wheelchair!"

"What's the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scottish shepherd? One says, ""Hey, you, get off of my cloud!"" The other says, ""Hey, MacLeod, get off of my ewe!"

"How many Grateful Dead fans does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Trick question. Deadheads screw in sleeping bags."

"*KNOCK KNOCK* OPEN UP ITS THE POLICE ""What do you want?"" YOU'RE UNDER ARRES- ""No."" ..NO?? ""No, I don't want to be."" *whispers* Shit now what"

"I always drink heavily whenever there's a blizzard or a hurricane or the slightest breeze."

"My psychiatrist says I have delusions of sexual superiority She just wants to fuck me."

"Did you hear about the agnostic, dyslexic, insomniac? He stays up at night wondering if there really is a dog."

"There is a new Jason vs Michael Myers movie coming out... ..I guess it will be a silent film?"

"I'm rich; what am I supposed to do, hide it?"

"A mushroom walks into a bar. The bartender yells at him to get out, saying, ""We don't serve your kind here!"" The mushroom replies, ""Why not? I'm a fun guy."""