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Joke of the Day

"What did the turkey say to the turkey hunter? ""Quack, quack."""

"[giant fork knocks at my door] ""Excuse me sir do you have any spoons?"" [a family of spoons are cowering in my kitchen drawer] ""um...no sir?"""

"Me: *wakes up screaming* Wife: What's wrong? Me: Nightmare with the Microsoft Word Paperclip Helper again Wife: Need some help? Me: AHHH"

"*checking out of Hotel California* You can check-out any time you like ""Okay yes, now"" But you can never leave! ""Ugh where's your manager"""

"LGBTQ stands for... LGBTQ stands for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and I think... queer, which is strange."

"Accidentally pressed 2 for Spanish and Donald Trump's security team came out of nowhere to deport me."

"You know what I'd say to the victims of the Russia-Ukraine conflict? Crimea River"

"Q: What is the difference between a violist and a terrorist? A: Terrorists have sympathizers."

"The Earth and the Moon get in an argument The Moon tried to be the bigger body and walk away, but the Earth grabbed it and said ""I don't think you understand the gravity of the situation. """

"What is the difference between outlaws and in-laws? Outlaws are wanted."