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Joke of the Day

"I cleaned my wood floors with furniture polish and now I'm a pretty pretty ice dancer."

"I don't believe in ghosts. They're always lying to me."

"I was arrested for washing my pants without taking the cash out of my pockets. They charged me for laundering money."

"A man breaks into a pharmacy and kills the pharmacists... He then steals as much medicine as he can carry and runs off. Police say it was the first known case of a modern day pillage."

"The Band "" The Ghost Inside "" bus was just involved in a fatal crash I guess that means there could literally be a Ghost Inside, the bus."

"All it takes is a ""food dreadful, service poor"" Yelp review to get your mother-in-law to stop inviting you to Sunday dinner."

"Darth Vader should've married... A woman named Ella"

"I'm always a big fan of the prison teardrop tattoo. It says I'm sensitive but I've killed people."

"When life gives you melons... ...you probably have dislexia."

"WHY DOES THIS BOTTLE OF BODY WASH HAVE DIRECTIONS PRINTED ON IT"