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Joke of the Day

"A man breaks into a pharmacy and kills the pharmacists... He then steals as much medicine as he can carry and runs off. Police say it was the first known case of a modern day pillage."

"What would you call the easter egg roll if Bernie Sanders became president? Weekend at Bernie's."

"90% of women that wear yoga pants probably don't do yoga. 100% of straight men don't care."

"I wouldn't say I ""missed"" your call."

"Apparently when your wife asks you to get your toddler off your bed she doesn't mean knock him off with a pillow"

"What is the difference between a rectal thermometer and a regular thermometer? The taste."

"What is the difference between a feminist and a walrus? A walrus has at least two valid points."

"A hot babe said we could have sex if monkeys fly out of her ass, so tonight I meet with a zoologist, proctologist and some guy from NASA."

"I got in touch with my inner child and the little shit hung up on me."

"Two blondes walk into a bar. You would think one of them would have seen it."