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Joke of the Day

"Why do black people eat tootsie rolls with a fork? So they don't bite their fingers"

"How many friend-zoned guys does it take to change a lightbulb? None, they'll just compliment it and then get pissed when it doesn't screw."

"What do you call a Russian bovine covered in lichen? A Moss-cow"

"""Please stop misquoting me on Twitter,"" said my boss. ""It makes me sad because I am a large baby with a stupid haircut"""

"What's white and smells like black paint? The freshly painted fence. What's black and smells like white paint? The 6 year old who painted it"

"Which strip club does Obama go to? The Illuminaughty"

"What is the difference between me and my couch? My couch pulls outs"

"""sure was nice of me to give that homeless guy $5 this morning"" [sees Steve Bannon on TV holding a Starbucks] ""son of a..."""

"Everyone on the planet is chasing imaginary monsters with their phone But when I do it I need to ""grow up"" and ""quit looking for Bigfoot."""

"What do you call it when you shoot 49 hot loads in people at a gay bar? An Orlando ~~black~~ *white* sheet party..."