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Joke of the Day

"How many friend-zoned guys does it take to change a lightbulb? None, they'll just compliment it and then get pissed when it doesn't screw."

"I used to be a plastic surgeon Which raised a few eyebrows."

"Bob: Women always call me ugly until they find out how much money I make. Then they call me ugly and poor."

"People are often shocked when I tell them I'm single because I scream it at them while sliding open their shower curtain."

"The guy installing the new security system said we should upgrade because of the increasing crime rate. Typical alarmist."

"Two widgets walk into a sidebar... where's the menu? ...my wife's joke :)"

"What did the termite eat for dinner? A table for two."

"President Putin say's he is doing everything he can to wipe out Aids Researchers. (What too soon?)"

"How do you know if a Korean gang robbed your house? Because all the rice is gone, and three hours later, they are still trying to back out of your driveway."

"TIL It's not possible to yawn while wearing earphones"