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Joke of the Day

"Mike Tyson wanted me to add him online But I couldn't find him on faithbook.com"

"* on a date snuggling * Me: Did you enjoy dinner? Her: Yeah, but now I feel fat. Me: Get your hands off my belly."

"The Bible says Jesus used a whip to drive out the money lenders... I wonder if they called it his ""Miracle Whip""?"

"snapchat conversations are hard because eventually you just run out of selfie poses so you end up taking pictures of the couch or something"

"What is E.T. short for? Hes got wee legs"

"A wife is like a hand grenade.. Take off the ring and say good bye to your house."

"Say what you will about old people but I respect that they never talked about their feelings"

"I heard they were going to fine bad drivers $100 on the spot. That's bit sexist, isn't it?"

"I have a thing for older men. Not cuz I have 'daddy issues', but because I also like to eat dinner at 4:30 and be asleep by 8pm."

"What does one lesbian pirate say to another lesbian pirate? Scissor me timbers."