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Joke of the Day

"Me:Thank you, he's so hot I don't even know what I want to do first...Grandma: (interrupting) Okay, can someone else say the prayer please?"

"Why does Snoop Dawg need an umbrella?? Fo Drizzle."

"Me: I killed another one, boss. Mob boss: You don't work for me. Me: I volunteered. Mob boss:*Looking angry* Me: I'm gonna get back to work."

"What's better than eating a mandarin? Eating Amanda out"

"your dad wrote a letter to harambe his pen is out for harambe"

"Facebook is in a relationship with the stock market and it's complicated."

"What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? Nothing. You already told her twice"

"If I had a dollar for every maths exam I failed I'd have about $6.50 right now"

"What does M.Night Shyamalan always order when he goes out for ice cream? A large twist cone."

"My wife Googled ""how responsible does a 10yr old need to be to stay at home without a babysitter"" and now she won't let me stay home alone."