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Joke of the Day

"What is the highest point in Israel? Mountain Dew."

"What does having sex with a hooker and bungee jumping have in common? If the rubber brakes, you're screwed."

"My girlfriend got her car smogged, and suddenly I wondered about Middle-earth; Do Hobbits ever need to Smaug their cars?"

"How to Be Good At Twitter 1. don't be 2. don't have that be your goal 3. aim higher 4. seriously, go outside or something"

"I'm never buying a fish fryer from Linkin Park ever again. I fried so hard, and got sole far, but in the end it doesn't even batter!"

"I hired an old German plumber when remodeling my apartment He was a great guy, very reliable and thorough. But it seems old habits die hard. He connected gas main to my shower."

"Where does a Martian go for a drink? A Mars Bar"

"If Reddit up/down voting were to be applied in real life as an immediate feedback of the spoken word crowed subway trains would be a much quieter place."

"What's the difference between Bill Cosby and a Snickers Bar? One wants you to put their chocolatey nutty goodness in your mouth, and the other is a child rapist."

"mom: I'm not your friend I'm your mother! [20 years later] mom: why won't you accept my friend request on FB? I'm your mother"