206101

Joke of the Day

"Party host: Anyone here allergic to nuts? Because I like to rest mine on the table."

"Wife: I read my mom that funny tweet you wrote. Me: Don't you mean THOSE funny TWEETS? Wife: ... Me: ... Wife: No. No, I don't."

"""Hey Fred"" Yeah Barney? ""The Bee Gees have no hot chicks in the band"" Yeah but ABBA do!"

"What do you call fake spaghetti? An im-pasta!"

"I hate gingerbread. If I owned a bakery, I wouldn't tolerate gingerbread. I'd be like, ""Get outta here, you redhead. Your money isn't good here."""

"If Minnie Driver married Bradley Cooper her name would be oh god I can't even finish this one"

"The Fly and R Kelly A Fly buzzes up to R Kelly and asks ""Mr Kelly could you please sing me a song?"" R Kelly pauses in thought then replies ""I believe I can, fly""."

"my wife is alot like pandora radio she is always asking me if I am still listening"

"I posted ""Happy Almost Mother's Day!"" on this chick I grew up with's Facebook page, guess I was the only one who remembered her abortion."

"Why did Mr. Steaks decide he would take his wife's surname? Because he didn't want his daughters to be called Ms. Steaks."