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Joke of the Day

"Why did Mr. Steaks decide he would take his wife's surname? Because he didn't want his daughters to be called Ms. Steaks."

"Medical fact: If a woman drinks two glasses of wine a day it increases the chance of a stroke. If you let her finish the bottle she'll probably suck it as well!"

"Never, ever ask a woman if she's pregnant unless you see an actual baby being born. Even then, act surprised."

"What do you call a guy with no arms and not legs laying on a porch? Matt"

"Sorry I was late. I got stuck in internet traffic."

"When I went to bed last night I had 47,000 followers. Now I have 700. Did I spell something wrong?"

"Got caught again. Next time I'm stealin alcohol from the neighbor's, I gotta remember not to do it hummin the Mission Impossible theme song."

"I gave my wife one last chance to suck my dick... She blew it."

"The cops were called... to the local childcare because a kid was resisting a rest. 30 minutes later the cops were called back because of an apparent kid-napping."

"A blonde walked into a store.. She got a nose bleed."