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Joke of the Day

"None for me. I'll eat when I'm dead ""You don't understand how that saying works, do you?"" I'll understand how the saying works when I'm dead"

"[religion] Why did Jesus die on the cross? he forgot the safe word"

"What do you call a goat that likes cheese with their pasta? Maaaac"

"I'm quitting the blueberry only diet. I haven't lost a pound and I'm getting tired of blueberry pancakes, muffins and poptarts every meal."

"A father and his son are watching their dog clean himself... Son: Don't you wish you could do that, Dad? Dad: Nah, I'm afraid he might bite me."

"Can't believe I'm not invited to things I'd never go to."

"Why will Hillary Clinton make a bad president? Because she is a woman."

"I've had a shitty week. I either want to curl up in the fetal position or the fecal position."

"Donald Trump is Anti-Immigration But ironically, if he wins... there will be a lot of Americans immigrating outta the country"

"Q: How do you get a blonde pregnant? A: Come in her shoes and let the flies do the rest."