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Joke of the Day
"Driving isn't even in the top 5 things I'm thinking about when I'm driving."
Next Joke
"Former District attorney lost job after scandal, now a male sex worker. Most of his jobs are pro-boner"
"[Soldiers regrouping] Where's Jim? He went M.I.A. *Cut to Jim* All I wanna do *bang bang bang bang* *reloading noise* And shoot enemies "
"Why do mice have such small balls? Because not many of them know how to dance."
"Why are redneck crimes so hard to solve... Because everyone has the same DNA and there are no dental records. . . . . Not original, I heard it on satellite radio yesterday."
"Me: Did you know a cockroach can live for weeks with no head? Him: That's nothing. Husbands sometimes go for years."
"[Alien monster is levelling Toronto] CANADAMAN: Excuse me, sir, SIR, could you stop please? SIR?"
"What's the difference between a prostitute and a crack dealer? A prostitute can just wash her crack and use it again"
"I would even do the thing Meat Loaf wouldn't do for love for you."
"Invention Idea: An alarm clock that keeps screaming ""WHAT TEAM?!"" and the only way to turn it off is to scream ""WILDCATS!!!"" in response"