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Joke of the Day

"[Soldiers regrouping] Where's Jim? He went M.I.A. *Cut to Jim* All I wanna do *bang bang bang bang* *reloading noise* And shoot enemies "

"Officially committed to Princeton University class of 2019 majoring in women's studies with a concentration in culinary arts"

"Why are white people the scariest in prison? Because you know they're guilty."

"People tell me soup is better with flavor cubes. But I don't put a lot of stock in that. Because of it, though, I was the victim of a lot of boullion."

"The two most popular gifts women receive on Valentine's Day are a box of things that make her fat and a bouquet of things she can watch die."

"Why did the guy with a 7-days-a-week sexual job look forward to the weekend? Because his favorite part of sexual intercourse is the BEGINNING and END!"

"I have this weird fungal infection on my leg. I need to get rid of it, but it's kind of growing on me. (Sorry if repost, came up with it in science class today.)"

"Failed my biology test today: They asked, ""What is commonly found in cells?"" Apparently ""black people"" wasn't the correct answer."

"I do pull ups to get girls... and pull outs to not get one"

"When someone says ""It is what it is,"" I reply, ""Isn't it?"" so we can both sound useless."